Friday, February 3, 2012

Within Your Grasp

"Your hair always looks so nice." she sighed, her voice slightly peevish with envy. "Well, it doesn't look this way when I wake up!" I joked, attempting to shrug off the situation. She sighed again, touching her own dry brittle curls. "It's just not fair!" So I began to cautiously explain that I use a ten minute conditioner on my hair twice a week and a balm in the morning to tame any frizz. Then I generally toss it up in a few hot rollers while I sip coffee and... "That's too much work!" she exclaimed, shaking her head. "I don't have time for that!"

Perhaps it was the day....stress....frustration....but I squinted a bit as I replied, "Well, then you don't deserve great hair." Her mouth dropped a little as I turned and walked away.

I admit, I was a bit harsh that day, but I am shocked and dismayed at how many people I encounter in a week that seem caught in a sticky web of immobilized frustration. They're baffled that the world isn't working out quite the way they'd hoped....but in that same moment, don't know who to blame!  And there, my friends, is the goop of the matter.  For blame indeed, is a viscous thing.  As you fling it about, it spatters the room and leaves you covered as much as your targets.....rather maddening, really.

I've blamed.  Lost years a ways back attempting to ferret out who was at fault for the left turn my life had taken.  Alas, the quest ended with me standing in front of a mirror.  The frame chipped, the glass cracked...but truth is truth.  The choices had been mine.  There were other actors on that stage, but I was there as well.  If I wanted something different, something greater--it was up to me.   In that sentence, in accepting that reality, thus enters the magic...


The aspiration, the application, the battle. The discipline, intention and push.  Resolution, struggle.....and triumph.  They are all ours.  It's in the effort where we discover how strong we are. Our capability, our cleverness, and our power.  Within each of us is a life to be lived.  Not endured or tolerated....we were meant for more than that.   

Dreams, desires and goals + effort = success, fulfillment and joy.

Dreams, desires and goals + more dreams = wishes. And if wishes were fishes, we'd walk upon the sea.

Dreams, desires and goals + whining & complaining = will likely cost you the relationship you have with anyone who actually is on the road to success, fulfillment and joy.

I have one thing I tell anyone who is "always late" or "doesn't have enough time" to get something done.  Watch less TV and get up earlier.  Period.  Our nation is in the midst of an epidemic of lethargy.  Yes, you can see it in our physical health--but it's also there in our divorce rates, our juvenile centers, and our alcohol consumption.  I feel like we have taken what is supposed to be simple, and crammed a zillion other things into that equation.  All of the "what ifs" and "buts" that we can imagine; excuses and reasons for our lack of success....when the monster in the room is seated dead center in the rejection of our own potential.

YOU were meant to be amazing.  But amazing doesn't happen by accident!  It doesn't fall from the sky and rarely mails itself to your door.  Opportunity may do that....but then, the amazing part is in your hands.   In mine. 

You want a deeper marriage?  A better sex life?  Respectful kids and an obedient dog, a cleaner house?  Great hair??  Then research, come up with a plan, and begin.

My dreams are certainly different than many, the content isn't ever up for debate. (I once met a woman whose heart's desire it was to dye her hair purple and ride elephants...I smile every time I think of her and hope she is a lovely shade of violet)  Wrapping your mind, your time, and your muscles around the reality that is the dream? That is the beginning.

And the within your grasp.


The Empress said...


And it is daily affirmation, isn't it? It just can't be a once time a year reminder: it has to be done every day.

and the hardest thing, the one that requires the most effort is being conscientious. Being aware of all we do and think and react to . We can change your reaction but we have to be self aware.

We are such WIP, aren't we? The awesomeness of change.

GREAT POST. Thank you.

Julie said...

Great post!! I loved this!! At least once a day I hear "Wow, you are SO skinny" (not in a compliment form but spoken with more of a judging quality). People automatically like to assume right away that there is something wrong with me instead of thinking about the fact that I have a high metabolism so I have to eat around 6 meals a day or I will start to feel dizzy, I still exercise every day(I don't have a car so I walk everywhere I go), and I watch what I eat. If they wanted to be thinner they could get off of the sofa and change it! I realize that some people have health reasons to why they are obese but most are just plain lazy. Sorry, my rant for the


Tara said...

Great post and great blog! I'm a new follower from the Friday blog hop. Feel free to follow back at :) Have a dandy weekend!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

You are so right about dreams plus effort!

Kir Gallo said...

I found you on Friday blog hop. Come visit at

Chantel said...

Empress--"The awesomeness of change" is truly stunning, isn't it? Like every day, each moment can be something different--it is our choice. :) Thanks!

Julie--Thank you and I loved your rant! lol It's lovely to meet you!

Tara--Thanks and it's great to meet you!

Bliss--everyone has dreams, it's just a shame how many never are realized just because the dreamers don't realize THEY have to make it happen!

Kir--nice to meet you!

mermaid gallery said...

well said!....we are all in charge of our own destiny...and hair! is what we make get busy people and quit the complaining....success is not easy!!!!!

Stuff and Nonsense said...

i totally get what you're saying
but i'm going to disagree
with the equation a little bit

i think
that if success were reduced
to simple 'wanting it bad enough
to chase it'
then i would have perfect children
and no medical bills

a major league baseball pitcher for a husband

a flawless marriage
and perky boobs

a kid can want to be in the MLB
and play baseball every waking moment
and still never be good enough

a person can exercise rigorously
and eat a perfect diet
and still get cancer

we have to take more responsibility
for our actions and achievements
(or lack thereof)

but can we still factor in
the vagaries of life and the unforeseeable circumstances
we sometimes find ourselves in?

just a thought, love!


Stuff and Nonsense said...

by the way
if you would like to be able
to respond/reply
to individual comments

you can change your settings
to 'embedded comments'

i love that option!


Chantel said...

Mermaid--you're so right, success is never easy, in fact, never guaranteed. But without effort--it is impossible!

Ali--I so appreciate you, your heart is amazing! I know exactly what you mean; life itself and the woven tapestry we all reside within has been created by God alone. His purpose is far beyond our vision and we must move within the life we have been given, trusting His hand. My beef is just that, within that life, more are willing to complain rather than work and sacrifice to achieve something different. I wasn't speaking about that which is beyond our control--but the daily choices that lie within our reach; the use of our time and energy, our priorities. Those things which are absolutely within our grasp.

Anonymous said...

love this.

And btw:: the chick deserved to know that she didn't deserve the great hair if she didn't want to put any effort into it.

You did her a favor :-)

Huda said...

new follower of your blog
now follow my blog

Mel Heth said...

Damn girl, you should be a life coach. What a great message.

It kills me to watch friends shrink under their own victimization. I wish more people could embrace the power that exists in taking responsibility.

Chantel said...

Candy--thanks girl, I was peeved at the time, I work hard for my hair! lol

Hello Huda.

Mel--Doesn't it just? They could be so much more. It's like watching a plant that could bloom, but no one is caring for it; with some work--it would be stunning! :)

Mary: said...

And I'm shaking my head at so many who have so much given to them, so much right outside their front or back doors and who DO NOTHING! Motivation. Where did we get it? Why don't these family members have any? What can we do for them, with the frustration? Maybe read this post and write it out 20 times, hahaha, just kidding.
Besos Guapa!

Shrinky said...

Chantel my friend, you really should be a motivational speaker, I simply adored this post! I could feel your passion as I read it, and found myself nodding throughout. Bravo dear lady, I couldn't endorse your words more.

Isn't it funny how much "luckier" people lives become, with the more effort they exert? When I was in business, I was told all the time how "fortunate" I was - like I just woke up one day and it all landed in my lap!

Anonymous said...

Amen!!! It frustrates me to no end the little amount of effort people are willing to put into getting things they want. It's like they just expect everything to land at their feet in a beautifully gift-wrapped package. I'm glad you were a little harsh with that girl. Maybe she'll remember it and realize nothing good EVER comes easy! :o)

S.N.Hijaab said...

I am following your blog.
Plz follow mine.

Love It said...

stopped by from the hop to day hi. love your blog

le Chef said...

Chills. So spot on with what these eyes needed to hear. I'm printing this one, and hanging it above my drawing desk.
I needed that kick in the pants, because I deserve amazing violet hair, even this late in life.

(And I have to laugh, because my hair usually is some shade of purple, and I dream of India when life makes left turns. But I will admit, my life dream is to own a small white cottage inhabited by a ghost chicken.)

I'm going to begin.

Chantel said...

Mary--oh, if only that would work! lol

Shrinky--seriously, we make the beds we lie in, every time.

Sarah Kate--as someone once said, "anything worth having is never easy!"

S.N. & Love--nice to meet you!

Chef--I love the idea of you with purple hair! And now I'm going to have to write about ghost chickens...they have to be so much more interesting than real ones!