Thursday, February 9, 2012

Contradictions



After we'd tucked the boys in for the night, I settled in to ice my feet and watch....something. (lol--I'm a bit lost when it comes to what's on these days)  So what did I watch? I have that magic fios remote with the "last" button so you can flip back and forth between two shows easily; I watched the movie Juno simultaneously with Alien 3. Um....yeah. My husband came downstairs after a bit and sat with me. He lasted 7 minutes before laughing and shaking his head, he left. Cozy soft cuddly "coming of age" teen love alternates with bloody science fiction alien battle.

But that's me.

I've come to suspect that we are defined more by our contradictions than our similarities. I love wine....and whiskey. Munster cheese as well as gorgonzola. Summer and Christmas. Experience, variety, and multiplicity make life--like food...like sex.....make for magnificent rather than mediocre. I believe this is such a large part of relationships--yet an unbelievably difficult thing at the same time. The world's greatest love stories, the romances that ring in your heart and echo in your mind--are most often the passionate ones filled with fire and conflict. Of course there is sweetness and tenderness, but it is the friction that makes them splendid! I have lived through too many warm milk relationships; they were so...easy. I suppose that's why I got into them. Friends that always agreed with me, a first husband that generally did as I asked....warm white milk. Milk will only sustain you so long. There's just not enough in it. Your muscles atrophy, your hair falls out, your skin fades to paste--milk is fantastic for babies...

But we've all grown up.

Now I have a pomegranate and ginger martini of a marriage, served in a stiletto glass rimmed with crystallized hot chili sugar! (heh heh)  Sometimes I worry that our neighbors are scandalized. Between the arguments and the heated nights...(and mornings and....ahem) We are both equally strong-willed and fully armed. It's funny, I've encountered more than a few people in my life that have a drastic aversion to anything resembling disagreement or contridiction.  I'm not talking about character assignation or actual "fights" (which is when a simple difference of opinion escalates emotionally until both parties are swinging sabers with no regard for collateral damage) but that space where two similarly astute and perceptive minds sharpen one another.  For a lifetime of beliefs, assumptions and judgements should regularly be taken to task.  How else does one evolve?

Finding my "match" has not exactly been the e-harmony vision that permeates evening television with bashful smiles and hand-holding. However, it has been more challenging, more fulfilling, and more life changing as we have confronted, battled over and are in the process of embracing our contradictions.

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14 comments:

Out on the prairie said...

Never found that fairytale relationship where love struck me over the head.

Kajal said...

so beautifully written. I have been married 12 years now..we continue to fight and argue and have date nights and we remain each others best friends. thats the joy of marriage..it has it's ups and downs..and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Wow, that was awkward said...

Nice. I like the lead in to the relationship with every day contradictory ways of living. I have tons of those. Love coffee shops, but hate coffee. Love people watching but don't like huge crowds. There are lots more, but this is your blog. Along those lines, check out a song called Funny Shade of Blue by John Oszajca. It's my contradictory life theme song.

Shrinky said...

And that, dear lady, sounds like you've both made a true match for a rewarding, fulfilling and exciting life together. I hear what you say about those "milk" relationships, we all need a little challenge, a tiny friction there from time to time, it keeps things alive and interesting..

I so love dipping into these posts of yours, you are such a wise, dear soul! (x)

Kir Gallo said...

Very well written. I found you on Stalk Hop Friday. You can find me at www.mamatinkstinkerings.blogspot.com

EmptyNester said...

I thrive on conflict and I do not shy away from confrontation. Hubs would prefer to avoid confrontation at all costs. Which usually results in me getting my way. Which usually means no conflict. LOL But, I guess since we've been together happily for 28 years, it's working. :)

Chantel said...

Prairie--well, being "struck" can also leave a bump at times. :)

Kajal--thank you and I couldn't agree with you more!

Brett--totally dig the song, but still laughing over the coffee shop/coffee hating thing!

Shrinky--friction is good...as long as you don't burn the house down! lol

Kir--hello and thanks!

EmptyNester--lol! As long as it works, right? 28 years--huge congrats on that!

Robbie Grey said...

This was amazingly written. Being a fan of paradox, I can identify.

Murr Brewster said...

Ah--you shame me. I like to be with someone who agrees with me on every little thing, and also does the cooking. Anyway, I found myself worrying about your dreams. Did Juno carry a pregnancy to an unusual, explosive delivery?

Chantel said...

Robbie--why thank you!

Murr--lol Love can be violent and slightly gory if you're not careful! (and I just fb'd your last post to everyone I know-hilarious!)

Farid Ahmad said...

Great post, just loved this line in particular;" that space where two similarly astute and perceptive minds sharpen one another"

sounds like heaven.

Slyde said...

Juno and Aliens 3?

That, my dear, is a strange coctail indeed....

le Chef said...

Contradictions walk in stilettos, which is why passionate women like ourselves need an opposite. I'm finding I only truly feel the breath in my chest when I'm challenged.
Something tells me that you, Mz. Alien-Juno, aren't so different. ;)

.. but hot chili sugar. Not there's something I HAVE to try!

Chantel said...

Farid--Thank you!

Slyde--oh, but not boring! lol

Chef--I take that completely as a compliment!