Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Pointless Pants





I have a love/hate relationship with pants.  Jeans, in particular, have frustrated the hell out of me for decades.  Mainly because I am a woman trapped in a mad gorilla's body. (for more information on this, go here)  So when I stopped in at the local Good Will and did a "drive-by" of the men's jeans isle (see, as I have a 36 inch inseam, I don't really have to look at sizes per se, I just cruise by looking at the bottoms of the legs, if there happens to be a pair dragging on the floor, I'll stop) and there was indeed one such pair--I damn near did a happy dance right there when not only the waist size was a match, but they were Rock & Revival jeans! ($158 online, $7.99 at Good Will.  The world is a marvelous place) 

I shimmied out to the car and grinned like a crazy Cheshire Cat the entire way home.  Chucked those suckers in the wash, and pulled them on that night for a "fitting" before heading out with my husband.  You know when you um...well, these are button fly, so I did all that; buckled my belt, and then what do you do?  You slide your hands in your pockets, right?  Gotta get all that material sleek and flat for that perfect fit.  I slid my hands into my pockets....and ran smack into my undies.

Yessir. 

I wish I could have seen my own face.  I whipped them puppies down and discovered that someone had "altered" them--cut down the entire length of BOTH front pockets!  WTH???  I am speechless.  I am stunned.  However, when I redressed and went down to stand with my back to my husband and invited him to check out my front pockets, he was quite impressed and grinning like a goof as we left for dinner. 

So this is my question, so far I have one vote for this dude being  a professional pocket-pooler.  Any theories on this cat?  Personally, I've worn them twice since (they do fit awesomely) and nearly died of mortification when I distractedly dropped a handful of coins in my pocket--only to have them roll out all over the store floor.  The guy behind me at the grocery was totally confused.  Seriously--what good are pants without pockets?? 

What the heck do I do with my keys?!  Dear Lord, please don't let me slip my phone in there in mixed company....

I'm going to get a needle and thread right now.

16 comments:

Optimistic Existentialist said...

LOL why would anyone alter pants like that? That's crazy!

Geo. said...

"Any theories on this cat?"

Elementary, Chantel. Original owner was tall but had very small feet. After spending $158 on pants decided to cut out pockets and use them as socks.

Brian Miller said...

hahaha...i am not sure what the guy was thinking...though i am wondering if i can order a pair for my wife...um...ha.

terlee said...

Too funny...I'm still laughing.

There's no understanding what lurks in a man's mind...or inside his pockets...just sew 'em shut and enjoy a great thrift store find. ;D

Robbie Grey said...

The theories abound...

As someone with a thirty-eight inseam and thirty-two waist, you are not alone in your frustration about finding decent jeans.

Shelly said...

Congrats on finding such a good deal! As for why...well, I taught middle school for 29 years. One year a boy consistently had his pockets cut out. I don't want to be indelicate, but errr.... the reason had to do with easy access.

Mel Heth said...

Thank you for just making me laugh out loud with your change-coming-down-the-pantleg tale. That is hysterical. What a perv the previous owner was! I kinda like it. ;)

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

Ha Ha! Goodwill is a wonderful place. Maybe they were just too tight and he was getting rid of unsightly pocket lines : )

BLissed-Out Grandma said...

Ha! I think "easy access" is the key phrase here. And you got some long legs, Mama!

Mildred Ratched said...

Sounds like it's time to stitch in a pair of custom made pockets...the funkier the better!

Chantel said...

Optimistic Dreamer--lol, I know!

Geo--LMAO! I do so love a good theory!

Brian--*wicked grin* They have indeed spiced up everything from grocery shopping to dinner parties...

Terlee--amen, sister!

Robbie--Goodness, it's awesome to know I'm not alone! :)

Shelly--'easy access,' eh? I'm so glad I washed them first! lol

Mel--I know, I feel slightly wicked wearing them. :)

Mom of Grounded--good point...but such an extreme!

Bliss--yikes! *grin* I think my husband agrees. :)

Mildred--I may take your advice; maybe start a trend, eh?

ND Mitchell said...

This made me laugh Chantel. I guess I have a theory but (ahem) it's already been mentioned.

However, when you're repairing them, what about stitching in extra long pockets to allow you to carry more objects than normal pockets would? Just a thought lol.

ND Mitchell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ravenjanedoh said...

LMAO! I had similar pocketless pants from the goodwill. My change went right on down! I didn't realize they had no pocket bottoms until then... but they were girl pants ... um, EEeeeewwww! I'm hoping it's a case of they were such good pants and carried stuff so well they wore the pockets right out of them. A gal can hope. - As for guys, I think we all have the right idea LOL!

Chantel said...

David--I LOVE this idea about using socks! I might have to "adapt" several pairs if this works out!!

Jane--EEeeewww indeed! lmao! oh yes, it was simple wear and tear...yup. :)

The Loerzels said...

So jealous on so many levels. But the one that really got me was 36" inseam!