Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Mattresses From Heaven

I just had a gallery opening.
This means that I ate/breathed/slept in/and never quite removed all the paint on me for several weeks no matter how hard I scrubbed. This also means that things were a little....tense in our house. (ahem) For all you non-marrieds, this is code for "I was a total neurotic bee-otch running on caffeine and adrenaline who tested my husband's patience and made nothing but hot dogs for 14 days straight.

Gallery opening....rocked. Sold some.'s all good. And then I crashed. Brain deadness in a delicious way, sleep, leftover wine, sleep more. So two days later and we're having this discussion about things that we've "meant to do" and just haven't gotten around to. Like my kid's bed. The boys were in bunkbeds but now that they have their own rooms--Sawyer has been crashin' on ye ole floor for a few months now. Not that he really cares--when you're ten, "camping" in your own room is cool. But we had the frame--just needed to get out and pick up a mattress--and drop a couple hundred bucks. Yeah, been dying to do that. And after the paintress-from-hell week we'd had.....well, I just wasn't really in the mood.

So I did what every sweet darling woman would--I seduced him. Yes, you read it right. With a little sigh and wiggle and flutter of the eyelashes....oh, and I threw in suggestions of block buster and some rum and ordering wings and garlic bread....mattress? What mattress? Let's hear it for sex, food, and entertainment.

Hop in the caddie and hit the highway and.....slam on the breaks. "Did you see that?" "See what?" Reverse. Miss the mile marker post. " that what I think it is??" A mattress. A brand spankin' new, still-in-the-plastic, holy crap on a cracker (to quote my sister) twin mattress! What do we do? I mean, it's not like theres a missing mattress hotline, right? We stood there on the side of the wizzing by, blurred faces gawking at us as we hummed and hawed and decided to wait like 10 minutes in case someone came back for it. (then I would have arm wrestled them) And then.....

Two freaks on the road high-fiving, whooping it up like crazy crack addicts as we just about wet ourselves laughing while trying to get this sucker into the trunk. I could fit 3 dead bodies in that caddie's rear end--and with enough jammin and slammin and a very handy bungee cord--we drove our fabulously free find home.

Um......God? Is there a car fairy?

1 comment:

Nicole said...

That's freaking awesome??!!! Holy crap! I wonder if I go driving around, if I could find a brand new house, abandoned, and wrapped in plastic?

Oh, and for future reference, the official spelling (coming from a true one) is: Biatch, or bee-otch is also acceptable,you were close. Had so much fun with you today! I ended up going to Ross Park Mall, and buying my sister an early Christmas present: a class of 2012 juicy couture charm for her bracelet. Too bad she graduates in 2011. Thank You Chardonnay!!!