Friday, April 19, 2013
I heard a song the other day with lyrics, "I'm moving beyond emotion, I'm standing on belief." I've searched for the song to no avail, it was a flash of lightening and then gone. Yet its jagged imprint, vivid white against the obsidian of a night sky...has lingered. The words have echoed repeatedly through my thoughts, battling the mists of hurt and fear in my mind. Webby fingers of surprising strength, these are, threatening to strangle the choice and truth from my heart.
Emotions are powerful. Saturated and dense, thick with voices so loud they fill every crack and crevice within us. Elemental, they can whisper along our skin awakening within us passions glorious; or surging into a tsunami of titanic proportions, slam us to the ground, forcing the air from our lungs. Emotions can seep from our minds to our hearts, invading our souls if we are not vigilant...and a soul run purely on emotion, enters dangerous territory.
Belief is different. Chosen. Built. Through experience, over time, drenched in our graphic humanity. A conviction, a confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof, the definition reads. Foundations that we live and breathe and walk upon.
Our beliefs are the stone of us, standing within the hurricane.
The scent of renewal that accompanies Spring reassures me of the cyclical nature of life. Dawn and then dusk and dawn again, no matter how dark the night. Storms and then sunshine, death and birth. The frigidity of Winter eventually is won over by the warm wiles of Spring. There is joy and then anger and sorrow and grief. Quiet solitude. Discovery....possibilities.....and joy again. This permeates the lives of my children, my marriage, the battles that rage within me at times. As well as the world I've watched spilled out across the screen this week, agony and suffering painting everything in shades of red and black. So much senseless anguish and death.
I have felt pain so deep I thought it would cleave me in two. Have been chased by fears that follow me wretchedly into my dreams, inescapable. Grief that sought to drown my soul...emotions that were waves threatening to wash away the shore.
But I believe.
In forgiveness and beginnings and strength.
No matter where you may be, step past the emotions. Choose your direction.