Sunday, September 4, 2011

Crack Attack

It's been haunting me.  My crack.  No, not THAT one--although that reminds me of this Eureka Moment I had the other day after whining about the SEVENTH set of oh-so-attractive boxer shorts I'd had to behold while standing in line for a latte. (like seriously guys, if you're gonna flaunt the skivvies, at least make sure they are CLEAN. *shudder*)  To which, my darling eloquent pal responded, "just imagine what you'd be a-goggling if they weren't wearing boxers." 

"Dear God, I've been so remiss.  Please pour out your blessings on the little man--wherever he may be--that invented boxer shorts. Multiply his fruit....and all that."

Fruit of the loom......um....distracted.  We'll think more on that.....

But back to The Crack.  Here it is....well, was.



See it??  Check out that ceiling.  Mmm-hmmm....they don't come that way in the box.  Yes, that is indeed the corner of my living room.  Beneith it is a flatscreen inside an antique stereo cabinet named Norman. (you don't name your furniture?)  And I have had complete nightmares--in color--of the claw foot tub that resides above that crack and the impending doom that is portended by it's presence. (including the 911 calls elicited by my bedeviled bath involving embarrassing awkward moments with the neighbors and entirely too much flesh)  Ahem.

So.  While some might say it's charmingly ironic (should you do so, I may stab you), my Labor Day weekend has just become laborious.  The crack....attacked.



Now the blissful part of this story is that The Leak that really is the culprit here--has been iced.  However, as you are lifting your brewski tomorrow, lounging at your end-of-the-summer bash involving grilled hunks of meat and salads with questionable ingredients....take a moment.  While He tackles the living room ceiling, I will be grappling the bathroom floor. (no, not ON the bathroom floor--who raised you?!?) 

Happy Labor Day, my friends.

15 comments:

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

From where I sit, you are ambitious and brave to tackle this work yourselves. I hope it's going smoothly!

Stuff and Nonsense said...

oh crap...gotta love those plaster ceilings in ancient houses...we have some spectacular cracks at our house...and our ceilings have 'em too...which is why we're loaded to the gills with good home insurance...happy patching tomorrow!

alison

moi said...

Gah! I live in horror of home improvement projects. Good luck with that. And I'll just run along and go look at your paintings instead.

Rachelle said...

ha.ha............ha.....
I have 2 rooms, (garage and junk)that are exhibiting these signs...

I guess it's just too much to hope that ignoring them will make them go away, huh?

Curse you incompetent roofers!!!

whew, feel better now :))

Followed you through Shrinky, loved Chris Isaac while reading!

Chantel said...

It's The Morning After. Friends, I'm sporting a nifty set of bruises, but the bath floor is in, and the first layer of mud is drying on the ceiling....groan.

Bliss--ambitious or stupid...hmmmm?

Alison--so cheerful you are, fellow old-houser. :)

Moi--Oh, I'd rather be painting!

Rachelle--Oh no, turn your back on the Cracks and they will get you! (do I sound paranoid?) There is a special place in hell for bad roofers...

Out on the prairie said...

Funny, a nice way to start a new day

Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

I've been wondering what you've been up to Chantel. But I wouldn't have guessed this! Glad you survived the home DIY project. I need a neighbor like you. My neighbors hire people to change their light bulbs. And I suppose I would too if I could afford it...

Shrinky said...

Oh girl, I sure have missed your turn of phrase! How you can keep your humour in the face of such adversity, speaks volumes. Me? Our youngest points out the huge crack in our garage roof every time she gets in the car, my treadmill lies directly above it, and the crack is widening by the day. The solution is easy - I stick my fingers in my ear and scream "Lalalalalala." So far it's worked a treat..

The Tame Lion said...

Wow! Wow! Horrible!!

This Farm Family's Life said...

Oh my goodness, you had me cracking up on this post....no pun intended;0) Dropping by from a latte with ott,a.

Chantel said...

Prairie--thanks!

JAM--babe, I could change lightbulbs when I was FOUR! (that be the explanation for my first perm...)

Shrinky--oooh, I'm trying the "lalala" trick the next time one of the boys whines!

Lion--what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, eh?

Farm--hah! dig your punnage!

Kelley said...

Awww! That's awful! At least you have a good sense of humor about it. :)

Adam said...

Hey gorgeous, thanks for stopping by my page!

I'll have some goodies for you :)

I'm going to put you on my haircolor-naming committee, I love your "whore in the store", it sums up what I couldn't verbalize about some box colors that I've seen in the drugstore before.

le Chef said...

You have a slat wood ceiling?!!
I would have left that big bare patch so the world could see my awesome ceiling. I probably would have even painted it to wander down the wall, adding a gecko here, a vine there.

Sorry you had to labor. I don't even remember what I did. How's that for excitement?

Chantel said...

Kelly--you can get through anything if you keep laughing!

Adam--I'd love to be on your committee!! Can we also add Slum Plum and Brassy Hussy?

Chef--I would love to visit your house someday! Our's is 124 yrs old and that was lathe under the plaster....such lovely stuff. (if only you'd told me your idea earlier I might have reconsidered the DAYS of drywalling and mudding and sanding...)