Monday, November 1, 2010

The Asterisk of Idiocy


There are moments when I am on the verge of offense....the edge of outrage...oh, the audacity of it all!

The commercial begins with a jaunty blond in a short black skirt and bad leopard print, dashing about some design-challenged suburban hut gushing, "I only paid for carpet for this ONE room and got THIS one AND THIS one for (drum roll please) for.....FREE!" Yes folks, there are enough idiots out there to actually warrant this type of brain washed jabber taking up 30 second spots during our evening entertainment. I'd like to meet one of them in person. Do they wear funny hats? Shuffle when they walk? Exactly how much can you legally overprice something so you can give something else away for "free?"
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I'm thinking about starting a taco stand. "Buy one $10 taco, get four....."
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Then there's the beauty asterisk. It's that lovely little star on the front of the bottle of shampoo under the words, "95% fewer split ends!" Once you actually dig out your microscope, turn on the florescent lighting, put on the reading glasses and squint like the local chinese opium lady (what--you don't have one of those?) you can read the words, "Compared to hair washed in gasoline." Aie Karumba! Now that's a beauty promise!
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The diet products: "Burns twice as much fat!*" (compared to those who are paralyzed in a coma)
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"Removes 85% more dirt!*" (than a wet tissue and spittle)
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"92% preferred taste!*" (over sawdust with cat urine and mold spores)
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Um.....can we draw a line? Can we just quit the bull? Shall we hog tie anyone who buys this crap? It's more than politics and mortgages--the fine print is killing our brain cells as well as our common sense!
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And by the way, this blog is preferred 98% more than the one on pustules and venereal diseases.

14 comments:

Alison said...

Ahhhh....'spittle.' Haven't heard that word in a while!

Out on the prairie said...

Missed having television for two years. I finally gave in and got another, returning to my previous mode of turning it on every morning.I lose my patience with it and turn it off in the evenings, knowing I can solve the crime that is being portrayed.

Mom et al said...

That's why I have a DVR, so I never have to watch an advertisement again.

Irish Gumbo said...

Yep, I'm in that 98% that prefer this blog over the other one. Errk.

BTE, having "Bei Mir Bist Du Schon" playing simultaneously with a Sikh/Punjabi tabla chant, while reading this post? Was weird. Very weird. But cool at the same time.

Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

I can't pry the remote out of my husband's hands at night when we watch television. That's okay though, cause he HATES commercials. So he mutes them. I don't have to listen to commercials and it gives hubby something to do. It's a win-win in my book.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Ads really do push a lot of misleading claims and faulty thinking at us. "Mute" and "off" are getting to be my favorite buttons on the remote....

Chantel said...

Alison--spittle rocks....as a word, that is.

Prairie--it can be good background noise but often insults one's intelligence.

Maria--why haven't I thought of that?? lol

Irish--you and I have the same ideas about weird and cool. Yep.

JAM--lol! My only problem is that when he gets distracted and doesn't UNmute when the program resumes....I have to tackle him. Wrestling ensues.

Bliss--totally agree with you--I just keep wondering who believes it?!

Shrinky said...

Much as I love your blog, I likes me a good read on postules and VD..! Thank God for Sky+, I tend to pre-record and fast forward through all the ad's - ugh.

Embrace The Cliché said...

Never underestimate the power of spittle...

Chantel said...

Shrinky--VD keeps one....um, on their toes?? lol (cringe)

Embrace--spittle and bacon fat...isn't that what settled the West?

You've Got to Be Kidding Me said...

I am 100% sure I would not get a pay check if we got rid of these kind of claims and their asterisks.

Chantel said...

Mandy---aw damn. The paycheck trumps all. A little bull for some cheese....ok. (btw, our profile pics look like we're having a staring contest)

Mary said...

LOL So glad I didn't have any coffee in my mouth when I read that, would have ruined my keyboard..lol

Mary said...

LOL So glad I didn't have any coffee in my mouth when I read that, would have ruined my keyboard..lol