Thursday, October 7, 2010

Persevere

The human being amazes me. Not for its capacity for creativity or beauty or science....not for advancement or achievement or depravity.....but for its ability to endure.

Scar tissue.
.
Twisted lumps of whitened flesh that feel nothing. Severed nerve endings dangle uselessly, sending no messages....communicating nothing. I have a rather smashing scar on my right bicep. I was flying a kite as a child and while laughing and looking up to the clouds as I was running.....I crashed headlong into a barbed wire fence. The best thing about this particular macula is that as I lived on a ranch, miles from the closest doctor, after the original trip to be stitched up, a return for the "snipping" was deemed unnecessary by ye old dad. Perhaps it was a bit premature, but he thought the gash had healed well enough and sliced through the thread. It took a bit of yanking. Each and every spot that needle had pierced my skin, pulling filament behind--left a scar along side the laceration. Quite frankenstein, I assure you. Looks great with a tan. (and yes, I have told gawking strangers that I got it during a knife fight in Hong Kong...)

I've known many over the years who, thanks to sports and motorcycles and teenage antics, boast of scars much greater than mine. Did it deter them? No. The physical pain that wrecked through their bodies at the time of the injury was soon forgotten. The alabaster disfigurement becoming a badge of glory worn with pride during future episodes of genius judgement. Some might say this ability to omit physical pain is the reason we actually give birth to more than one child....

I still fly kites.

There are some scars, however, that are not so simply dismissed. They lay unseen, hidden beneath our pulsing flesh...jagged holes in our soul. These we do not boast about.
.
They change the color of the sky.
.
Yet the agony, no matter how grievous, doesn't kill us. At some point we fear it might......and then the sun rises.
.
.........

The human being places bare feet on the cold floor. There is dust on the nightstand. Icy water sluices over the sink, puddles about the base. The click of the medicine cabinet seems to echo. Stare at the bedroom doors across the hall...small heads and soft hearts sleeping there still. A teddy bear on the floor. Plug in the iron, drape the skirt over the pale blue stained board.....breathe.

One step, then another. And then another.

Someone once said, "When you have no idea what to do....just do what comes next."

12 comments:

Danielle said...

As always, you write so beautifully. This is a very good post for me right now.
Just do what comes next. And, I will!

Steel Magnolia said...

The small tears in the fabric of my life, when joined together, would make quite a gash. Try as I might I tend to the sorrows one day at a time. Always breathing in the pain, the disappointment, the sadness. Mixing it with similar stirrings felt by all humankind through the millenia. And, breathing it out so that it evarporates, dissipates into the universe. Somehow this always gives me the courage, the ballast to journey on unencumbered by rips and tears. It's as if you understand and then move along, too. A kindred spirit. Cheers!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Ooh, nicely stated. My major physical scar is usually hidden (hysterectomy years ago), but it did change how I thought of myself. I suppose the interior scars changed me, too, but sometimes the change was for the better. So, does that count as a scar? Maybe not.

Agnes said...

I love you my friend... and feel your pain... both emotionally and physically... I feel yours for you and mine for me... and I know you feel mine too... I am so blessed to call you my friend!

Irish Gumbo said...

I'm still working on bringing some of my scars to the light...doing what comes next.

Peace to you, and look out for those fences.

Design It Chic said...

I am now following you thanks to Follow Me Friday, and it would be nice if you could share the love back on my blog;)
Also today we have the coolest blog hop there is... no rules just fun and would love you to join in with us at Boost My Blog Friday :) Plus, don't forget, if you need any help increasing your blog's traffic or easy blog design tutorials, you know where to come! Happy Friday!

Hanna said...

HI there! I am your newest follower form the Friday blog hop!! LOvely blog:) You can find me at www.bouffeebambini.blogspot.com

Mom et al said...

Always beautiful, my friend. I have a few of those scars myself. You have been absent from this little world of ours, and it sounds as though life has given you much to handle. I wish you peace.

Chantel said...

Danielle--missed you love, and yes...sometimes just one step after another. Take care.

Steel Magnolia--kindred spirit...you write so elegantly. "Breathing it out" has always been my downfall.

Bliss--some scars do change us for the better...after all, wisdom is merely pain healed, is it not?

Ag--you are such a comfort to me, thank you my dear...

Irish--have my glasses on now...but the invisible fences are a b.

Design & Hanna--lovely to meet you.

Maria--This season has brought the unexpected...but it will pass......right?

Shrinky said...

Your words slice straight to the bone. Yes, we do, because we must. what a powerful post, so beautifully written.

Chantel said...

My darling Shrinky--the power of Must. What would we be without it? Kisses...

Therese said...

They change the colour of the sky.

Love you.