Monday, October 5, 2009

Will you please identify yourself?

Have you ever found yourself staring at yourself in the mirror, dead in the eye, talking to her? That person that should just shut up. It's interesting having a conversation with yourself, a real one--especially when you're angry with her. I mean, we look at ourselves as we fix our hair, apply the eye cream, pluck the strays and grays --but those are really just passing glances evaluating the condition of individual surface fragments. When you stop...and truly make eye-contact....who is that?

Did I really just say that to my sister? Smart off to my husband? Snap at my son for something ridiculous? Who told the completely inappropriate joke at the dinner party? Who barked at the "bag-not" at Kuhns for putting my bread in with the fabric softner? At the waitress that spilled blistering coffee down my arm? Who slipped in the glaring sexual innuendo while talking to her husband at work without realizing she was on speaker phone? Was that the hussy in me? The insecure 14 year-old? The bitchy twenty-something that thinks she knows everything? The impatient director who expects everyone to just try harder? The flaky artist? The spoiled brat? Who the hell is in that mirror? Will you please identify yourself?

It's amazing how direct confrontation--especially of ourselves--is intensely difficult. Stop for a minute. Make eye-contact.


Suzanne said...

Chantel, what a great blog! You really helped me with perspective this morning with this particular blog (I'm reading backwards from your most recent since I just discovered your blog :-)

Please keep writing more!

Chantel said...

Suzanne--I have had so many moments of stark realization...that I am not nearly as competent, as I think I am. Thank goodness we live in a world of tomorrows, eh?

Suzanne said...

Definitely! I'm so grateful for my husband and family who forgive me for speaking without thinking and give me "do overs". :-)